My Life

I know a lot of you know about my family, but for those of you who don't here is a little refresher course. I was 17 and a junior in high school when I got pregnant with Isabella. Perfect pregnancy by the way and suddenly something went terribly wrong and still have no idea how or why it happened. I ended up delivering her at 22 weeks on the first day of my senior year. She weighed 1lb 2oz and was 11 inches long. We spent 116 long days in the NICU. I was separated from my family because we were an hour away in Toledo. Fast forward. Looking at her you would never know how early she was. My life can be complicated though. Bella has some behavioral issues we have been dealing with longer than I would like to think. We finally have it under control though. After tons of therapies and failed medications life is taking a somewhat normal turn. Robin who is my middle child was smooth sailing for him. I delivered him on his due date at 6lb 8oz 19.5 inches long. He is a healthy happy boy. Darrin and I knew we wanted more right away but were hoping to wait until after the wedding. However we got pregnant 10 weeks before :) At my 12 week scan we found out I had a 1:5 chance our peanut would have down syndrome. I was devastated even though there was a 4:5 chance she didn't. I knew in my heart she did. I had the same testing done with Robin and it didn't even register. We decided to not have the amnio because I was not willing to risk my precious babies life just to know. We were going to love her even if she came out with 3 eyes and purple. But alas I my cervix did not want to cooperate so I was being monitored. Here was when I started getting mad. Why me, Why me, Why me! Really I have done the NICU gig once and I do not want to do it again. And wait I don't remember asking for a child that has down syndrome or any special needs for that matter I already have one and she absolutely exhausts me every hour or every day. I did sing many praises to the Lord in all my hurt because I was thankful that even though she had down syndrome she was healthy. MY body just didn't get the memo. I delivered Elinor at 34w + 6d and she only weighed 2lb 10oz and 15 inches long. She was a fighter though. She was never on oxygen or any kind of machine to help her breathe. The worst we faced in our 4 weeks in the NICU was jaundice. She can home at 4 weeks old the day before Easter and 1 week before her due date. Elinor is just like any other baby. And that's the part I wasn't told while reading and freaking out about what I am going to do and how will life be with a child with Down syndrome. She eats, sleeps, smiles and OH MY GOODNESS she cries and get mad. I guess she didn't get the memo that all down syndrome kids are happy all the time. It is more than ok though because one of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard is that baby girl crying for the first time! I knew then she was alive! God had answered my prayers, even the ones I didn't ask for. She is my baby girl and I love all of her even her very special extra chromosome. She may not be what I asked for but she is what I needed.