Breastfeeding

 So  have always supported breastfeeding but never took the time to stand up for myself. This has lead me to failure with breastfeeding Robin at 3months and a hospital stay thanks to his quack doctor.  At the time I didn't understand or have the resources to help me really be successful at it. Now with Elinor I just quit pumping at 3 months because I notice my supply was low and I was tired. It was hard work and tiring to pump exclusively and not getting the satisfaction of putting her to breast. I know everyone is probably saying well good for you for doing it for 3 months but in my heart I felt like a failure and bad mom for not sticking to it and going along with all the excuses of she has Down syndrome so it will be tough. So with some help from The Leaky B@@b on Facebook I have found the support I needed to relactate and try this adventure again. I still have a small milk supply and we are working hard on her latching which has improved wonderfully in the last week. Elinor seems to love it too! I am happy for anyone who has even attempted and if you didn't I am not here to bash you because it everyone's own decision but for me it was much more than I tried and it didn't work. I am determined to work this out and give Elinor the best start to life with breastfeeding. I also have to learn to stick up for myself to my family and everyone else who thinks I might be a bit off. I admit I am a little timid and find it hard to speak up about it. However I have made a promise to myself and to Elinor that we are going to do this! Ok end of rant! Whether it is for you or not I wish everyone the best of luck and best health for their children!

Family Vacation

First let me thank everyone for allowing my family to have the best vacation we could have ever dreamed of! So the Parrish clan set out on one our epic adventures and took a trip to Missouri to see Darrin's which isn't just his anymore I am laying claim to them as my family as well! It was a wonderful drive with the gas prices getting lower as we headed further west which was nice on the pocket book! We were welcomed into Kim's beautiful home with open loving arms and had a beautiful basement all to ourselves! Better than any hotel I might add! O my gosh seeing everyone for the first time Saturday was absolutely wonderful. I can't even believe it was the first time I met them. It was like we had just seen each other the day before and were just visiting again. I was educated by SUPER MOM on food allergies and how to be safe! THANK YOU Tara for opening my eyes! Our kids had the best times of their lives just being outdoors and being kids! It very well could have turned into a Staycation if we didn't have lives back here to attend to. I can not wait to go back and see our wonderful family! Thank you Kim, Tara, Kirk, Shirley, George, Janice, and Sonny for opening your homes, hearts, lives to our family! Ps. Kirk, Tara, and kids I will be photoshopping you in this photo at some point ;)

My Life

I know a lot of you know about my family, but for those of you who don't here is a little refresher course. I was 17 and a junior in high school when I got pregnant with Isabella. Perfect pregnancy by the way and suddenly something went terribly wrong and still have no idea how or why it happened. I ended up delivering her at 22 weeks on the first day of my senior year. She weighed 1lb 2oz and was 11 inches long. We spent 116 long days in the NICU. I was separated from my family because we were an hour away in Toledo. Fast forward. Looking at her you would never know how early she was. My life can be complicated though. Bella has some behavioral issues we have been dealing with longer than I would like to think. We finally have it under control though. After tons of therapies and failed medications life is taking a somewhat normal turn. Robin who is my middle child was smooth sailing for him. I delivered him on his due date at 6lb 8oz 19.5 inches long. He is a healthy happy boy. Darrin and I knew we wanted more right away but were hoping to wait until after the wedding. However we got pregnant 10 weeks before :) At my 12 week scan we found out I had a 1:5 chance our peanut would have down syndrome. I was devastated even though there was a 4:5 chance she didn't. I knew in my heart she did. I had the same testing done with Robin and it didn't even register. We decided to not have the amnio because I was not willing to risk my precious babies life just to know. We were going to love her even if she came out with 3 eyes and purple. But alas I my cervix did not want to cooperate so I was being monitored. Here was when I started getting mad. Why me, Why me, Why me! Really I have done the NICU gig once and I do not want to do it again. And wait I don't remember asking for a child that has down syndrome or any special needs for that matter I already have one and she absolutely exhausts me every hour or every day. I did sing many praises to the Lord in all my hurt because I was thankful that even though she had down syndrome she was healthy. MY body just didn't get the memo. I delivered Elinor at 34w + 6d and she only weighed 2lb 10oz and 15 inches long. She was a fighter though. She was never on oxygen or any kind of machine to help her breathe. The worst we faced in our 4 weeks in the NICU was jaundice. She can home at 4 weeks old the day before Easter and 1 week before her due date. Elinor is just like any other baby. And that's the part I wasn't told while reading and freaking out about what I am going to do and how will life be with a child with Down syndrome. She eats, sleeps, smiles and OH MY GOODNESS she cries and get mad. I guess she didn't get the memo that all down syndrome kids are happy all the time. It is more than ok though because one of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard is that baby girl crying for the first time! I knew then she was alive! God had answered my prayers, even the ones I didn't ask for. She is my baby girl and I love all of her even her very special extra chromosome. She may not be what I asked for but she is what I needed.

Elinor

Elinor is now 10 weeks old and I couldn't love her more. I know people say that you will love your child unconditionally, they are a gift from God, and BLAH BLAH BLAH! But let me tell you it's the truth. I love all my kids, but Elinor showed me how to express it. The other saying I have heard is that God only gives special kids to special parents. That is a load of crap! My other two children are just as special as Elinor. She has made my heart more tender though. I am more sensitive to others and things people say. I am frustrated that she has Down Syndrome. Not because I love her any less, but because it wasn't what I asked for. I asked for a healthy baby that was going to be chubby and healthy and be able to breastfeed like a champ. I feel so horrible when I get frustrated because it takes me 5 minutes to get her to take her binki just for her to spit it out 30 seconds later. I am on edge constantly because she has reflux and will hold her breath or start gasping. UGH! sometimes it's to much to handle. But you know what...I wouldn't trade her a healthy baby that doesn't have down syndrome or do all things. You know why? Because she has become my world. She has taught me to love unconditionally. When she smiles at me it makes my heart melt. When she works and works and works just to get a coo out because I'm talking to her I break down and cry because I know how hard she worked to just get it out. Elinor now weighs 5lb 4oz! That's all I can handle for now. Bye

Darrin's Dad Book

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Letter to My Husband

My Dearest Husband I just want you to know that I love you. No matter our ups or downs I love you. I will always be by your side. I made a promise before God to commit to you and no one else and I will honor that always. I love you for many reasons. You can make me smile when I am sad. You pick on me to let me know you love me. You get my jokes. Darrin you are a wonderful father and have taken the responsibility of others who were not up to the job. You polish the dining room table to make me happy. How could I forget that you open my can of pop when I am completely vulnerable because my nails are WET! I love how I can be fussing in the kitchen and you wrap your arms around me and kiss the back of my neck! The list continues on and on but I will stop there. I just wanted to let you know these are only a FEW reasons why I love you. I know get grumpy about the so many things you to make me mad. Wait there are only THREE things that I get upset about from you. So today I promise to come back to this when I feel like nagging you. I LOVE YOU DARRIN! You are my to go spoon!

CONNECTED

Afterlife, intuition, six sense, seeing ghosts, the super natural....I could go on but I will stop.  All of us know about these things, but I wonder how many of us experience them. I have always been sensitive to ghosts and have always had a strong intuition and even seen things I did not want to. I guess I come by it honestly my grandpa has always shared stories and we are connected by sharing a birthday so it must have just passed on. I even have on 2 occasions now have had dreams that come true (years later) those threw me for a loop! I have one recently that still has me questioning. Well anyways on to my point. I believe I may passed this friendly little trait on to my oldest. I chose to ignore it, because honestly they scare me to pieces! So I knew Bella might have this "special" (I use the term loosely) gift when she was just a little over a year old. My dad had passed away in August just before her first birthday and winter was coming so me moved her crib down to his office because it warmer downstairs. Well she was not speaking at the time being delayed having been an extremely early preemie (22 weeks) when she started getting up in the middle of the night laughing and giggling her crib saying "papa papa"! That's when I knew. I knew he was around because I had been finding dimes which had been a joke between the two of us. Well a few years later we moved into a house and I had one experience and decided to clean house because whatever/whoever it was wasn't friendly and I did not like what I felt and saw. So Bella tells me within the same time period our house is haunted by a ghost. I asked what do you mean? Nothing else out of her she said she didn't want to talk about it. I left it alone because I didn't want to scare her or put ideas in her head so I left it alone.So she was four when that happened and is now almost 9 and nothing else has come up until recently. The other day she goes look mom I got a dime. I go to clean her room and she has it saved on her lamp at the head of her bed. Made me tear up a little because she may or may not know but she kept it because it meant something to her. I am rather long winded and horrible at this grammar thing but I'm going to keep going to get to my point eventually! So my mom was over at the house and mentioned finding a dime and Bella real innocent like there was some unspoken truth there says "you too huh" WEIRD! So now into other things dealing with the brain and being connected to the spirit world. a week ago Bella starts telling me how I should eat food that looks like the rainbow and in circles. I was like yeah ok whatever. And she starts asking about what food can we eat thats this color or that color and starts drawing a chart. Not in order but resembled a drawing of the chakras. First two colors she puts are red and yellow areas which are associated with problems she is having. The deal with the foods and chakras I had no idea about until today when I was catching up on doctor oz recordings and one of the episodes touched on the subject! So you see I think I have a special little princess who like me chooses to ignore it but it is bothering her and I feel part of our behavioral problems may stem from this understanding and communication with the universe and lack of understanding sue to age. I often wonder if she is more sensitive to it like psychics because of brain development or the way it developed being so premature and a family history. There was really no point to this story but just share. I hope you enjoyed.